Pull Yourself Up Out Of That Hole
By Tammy Mariposa
I may as well be dead! My life is over now he’s taken my children.What’s the point in anything? I have nothing to get up for. I hear you! I said all those things and meant them as I lived from bed to chair after he ripped the children out my life.There are no cries of ‘Mum where’s my maths book?”Mum he’s eaten all the chocolate cereal!’ No arguments no nothing just a deafening silence! No morning cuddles or giggles! No school rush no letters to sign, no lunches to pack, no texts during lunch break no last minute ‘Mum can I bring a friend home for tea!’ or ‘wait till I tell you what happened today’ texts.
There is only an echoing silence as you stand at the entrance to their eerily tidy bedroom which used to be a hub of noise and activity after school. I remember her school bag and coat was flung down on the bed and there was cries of ‘Mum can I talk to you?’ ‘Two seconds I’m just coming’ I would shout and run upstairs to hear about my children’s day, as they jostled for attention saying ‘Hey I asked her first!’and ‘Mum can I just have a hug? I’ve had a bad day you know that boy I told you about well I think he likes someone else. I just want him to notice me Mum….
Standing in the supermarket in a brain fog crying over the chocolate cereal, not being able to move like your feet are stuck in glue, looking around at all the people with a purpose rushing around buying food for dinner.
Asking myself ‘What do I even like for dinner?’ Grabbing a ready meal and a tiny milk carton and scurrying home with your head down before someone you know bumps into you and wants to know ‘What happened?’ or asks ‘Where are the children?’
Running in the house bolting the door just in case the Nex is stalking you!
This is where the alienator wants you! Scared and alone and deep in that ‘pit of sh–’ so you can’t climb out and fight back!
So what are you going to do?
You need to hold on with your fingertips and pull yourself up and out of that deep hole! Your children are depending on you finding the YOU that is lost again!
Take my hand I’m going to show you how.